Perfection is not for me
by Luv 2 cry
Summary: "I looked at the woman across from me, she had sleek brown hair, flawless skin and sharp eyes that many mysteries...she was perfect." Harry feels the pain of not being loved. Harry/Booth but unrequited.
1. Chapter 1

_I don't own Harry Potter or Bones. Hello! So this is my first ever Harry potter and bones crossover. i like Bones but i didnt watch every episode so i'm not that familiar with it but i know the general story of it. So the characters might not be that in character but i hope you guys like it. Also, this is au, there's no magic and i'm not following Bones storyline. _

_Enjoy and please review!_

**Perfection is not for me**

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Potter," She extended a hand towards me followed by a warm smile, "Parker speaks of you a lot," I timidly grasp her hand and shook it lightly, my rehearsed was still seamlessly intact even when she mentioned the cute and adorable blonde boy.

"Really? I hope it was all good things," I was proud of my flawless mask. I looked impeccably casual and relaxed as I pulled the chair out for her, wincing inwardly at the screech. Gesturing for her to sit, I also sat down right across from her. There was a tense silence as we both stared at each other, I saw her mouth open and I immediately readied myself for any question she was about to shoot out.

But we were interrupted as a shadow loomed over us. I looked up and all of sudden my shoulders relaxed and I couldn't help but smile. But he wasn't looking at me.

"Hey Bones," they shared a gaze that had me fidgeting in envy, "Harry," I nodded back not missing how he greeted me second, "So anyway, this is Dr. Temperance Brennan, my partner," He declared as he sat down, on the chair right next to her, their elbows were practically touching. My eyes snapped to the browned haired woman in front of me as she spoke.

"Not romantic partners but, "She paused to glance at Booth, "We work together, I am a forensic anthropologist,"

"Bones," the man whispered to his 'partner', "He knows who you are,"

Dr. Brennan leaned closer, "Yes, but we weren't properly introduced and it's professional to say your—"

"Dr. Brennan," I cut her off but abruptly regretted it when their attention was back on me, "I do know who you are, I hear you are the best in the field," I faked an excited chuckle at the end which earned me a quick thank you from the woman.

"Come on Bones, your coffee is getting cold," she nodded but looked at the brown swirling coffee, Booth paused with his cup halfway to his lips, "what's wrong?"

"I told you I liked black coffee,"

"I know, that one's for Harry," His hand skimmed mine as he gave the cup to me, the tingles from my hand overwhelmed me and I almost didn't notice their whispers, "I figure we'd just share, we need to go soon anyway," the officer took a sip as his partner nodded. Dr. Brennan then grabbed the cup and took a gulp placing her mouth right where Booth drank from before. My eyes lingered on the spot. Back when I was a teenager, I would overreact at the prospect of an 'indirect kiss' but I knew that that was far from the extent these two had already experienced together.

After all, the way they leaned towards each other and the way they acted as if they were the only two at the table said it all. Suddenly, I frowned as a thought came to me.

"Where's Parker?" Booth looked up and I struggled to look him in the eye, who knows how many chances I'll get to do it?

"Oh, he went to the bathroom. Here he comes now," I turned around and my face lightened as a bob of blonde hair whirled its way around the crown in the small little café, "Hey buddy!" Booth stood up and grabbed the laughing little boy and lifted him up in the air. I listened aloofly to their father and son conversation filled with laughs and teasing. Across from me, I looked at Dr. Brennan. Her face was quite like mine actually, but there was a sort of freedom to her emotions, like she wasn't afraid to show it. My feelings were hiding, underneath this façade I show every day.

I didn't know whether to be happy or to be sad. The woman had love shining in her eyes, she may not know it yet but she will realize it soon enough. And when he does, it'll make Booth the happiest man on earth. I know Booth, I know him even better than he does and I know Booth felt something all the way back to when he first spoke of the crazy forensic apologist he just met or who's now referred to as _Bones_, a nickname that brings a light to the officer's eyes. But I wanted to be the one…the one who would make Booth happy, but I know that it's impossible. I might as well accept it.

Booth sat back down with Parker on his lap, Parker smiled at Dr. Brennan before deciding to climb onto my lap. I pasted a huge smile on my face as I hugged the cute kid.

"Hey Parker,"

"Hi Harry!" I grinned as Parker hugged me back and then turned around and started to smell the warm steaming scent of my coffee, which I haven't even drank yet. He propped his elbows on the table and listened to Booth who started to talk.

"Hey buddy, me and Bones are working on a case so you want to stay at Harry's for a little while?"

"Yeah," He bounced up and down on my lap and I chuckled, the first real laugh I had today, Harry's the best babysitter ever,"

"Really? What's so great about him?" Booth asked with a quirk of the lips. Then the little kid enthusiastically started to talk about the adventures we went on and I was able to lose myself in his ramblings for a moment. The little kid really started to open up more as he grew older. But Parker was so into it, he never realized he changed from answering Booth's question to actively talking to me. I nodded her and there to appease the bundle of energy but my smile immediately collapsed as I saw _them_. Of course, Parker didn't notice and I was able to put my charade back on and continue to listen to Parker, who was now talking about the things we could do today.

But in the corner of my eyes, I saw it. Their hands were grasping each other and they each had a smile on their face, I reveled in Booth's upturned lips, it was a sight I never saw before. But I wished to be able to see Booth's face like that, so warm, so inviting and full of adoration. The only thing that would make this better is if that look was directed towards me.

But it wasn't.

I then turned my sight to Dr. Brennan, my eyes traced her high cheekbones, firm chin, silky brown hair and her lips which looked perfectly soft and smooth. To sum it all up in one word…_beautiful._

She was beautiful, worthy of Booth, but whom I still think is ten times more stunning.

She was absolutely perfect. A body wriggled on my lap and I stopped staring at them to look at Parker, who stopped talking and was also looking at his dad and Dr. Brennan. The pair didn't even notice because they were off in their own little world.

"She makes daddy really happy,"

"Hmm?" I started at Parker's comment but I quickly composed myself and forced a beam, "Really," Parker only nodded. I was impressed at Parker's sudden show of maturity.

"I like her," My mouth was too dry to say anything more so I just grunted and buried my face in his hair, "But I like you too," I laughed brokenly.

"Thanks Parker,"

"So don't be sad," My eyes snapped to the little boy's, I stared at him. He was only a kid, how could he know what I was feeling?

"I'm not sad," it sounded even weak to my ears but Parker seemed to have moved on from the conversation and was getting up. He tugged me up and I lifted him up to carry him. I decided to drop the conversation for now, "What do you want Parker?" I asked pleasantly.

"Ice cream,"

"Ok, chocolate right?" He grinned and said yes. I turned around and still saw them looking at each other and whispering about this and that, probably about the case they were working on. It was like there was a bubble around hem and I felt guilty for having to pop that bubble.

"Booth," I coughed to clear my parched throat after I caught their attention, "I'm gonna take Parker to get some ice cream," Booth nodded and didn't even bother to wave. There was silence for a moment before I summoned the courage to say more, "It was nice to meet you Dr. Brennan,"

"You too Mr. Potter," She actually met my gaze and somehow I felt that she knew my most inner thoughts. She looked somewhat apologetic and I panicked for a second thinking she knew about my affections but then I relaxed, thinking she wouldn't be the type of person to hold this against me. Her actions were genuine and I tried to wordlessly tell her it wasn't their fault.

It really isn't her fault, it's not like she stole Booth from me. I may have met him first but…

He wasn't mine to take and he still isn't.

But it didn't stop one tear from escaping through a crack in my mask. Thankfully, I already exited the café by then and Parker was the only one to see the wetness on my cheek. He didn't say anything but instead got down and grabbed my hand to lead me to the ice cream shop right across the street.

I couldn't help but look back one more time, but I wish I didn't.

They were leaning towards each other and from my perspective I could clearly the distance between their mouths. They were still speaking and my eyes were riveted on their lips which were so close together, I mainly couldn't take my eyes off Booth's mouth. I could just imagine me feeling his kisses.

A stranger in the café accidently bumped Booth in the shoulder making him lean even closer to her… and that's when I tore my eyes away because I was already _this close_ to breaking down in public. And I couldn't begin to envision what it would feel like to see those lips I desired for so much to be on someone else's, but what's worse is knowing that they deserve each other and i had absolutely no right to break them apart.

However, I pushed down my panic. I shouldn't have to care. They can do whatever they want; I tried to convince myself unsuccessfully. Booth then turned around and my sorrow was melted all away for a minute. He had the biggest smile on his face, bigger then when Parker got an A in math after much nights of tutoring and studying, bigger than when I took him to whatever football game he's been wanting to go since forever.

In the ice cream shop, I focused back on Parker who was skimming the choices of ice creams, albeit the fact he already knew what he was going to get.

_She was perfect_, I thought as scooted around to make way for other children.

I took a staggering breath, I couldn't cry, not now.

But the ache in my heart just wouldn't go away and visualizing the image of Booth and Dr. Brennan together with Parker, it just broke me. I wouldn't be in the picture, they wouldn't need me anymore. I scoffed silently, they don't need me right now, I'm only the babysitter and somewhat Booth's…friend.

Just a friend, nothing more.

"Harry, I want chocolate," I didn't grin but I tried to smile with my eyes, "Really? Never would have guessed," Parker giggled and dragged me up to pay.

I froze as the bell on the door ringed when Booth and Dr. Brennan came in. they were still talking, and when Parker came up between them, my heart skipped a beat as I saw the three of them.

I vaguely remembered giving the cashier money and giving the ice cream to Parker. It was all a blur when I hugged them both after they got a phone call and needed to go. But I did remember embracing Booth longer than necessary. And when they were gone, leaving me and Parker sitting at a table with his ice cream dripping all over his little hand, I saw it.

I saw it in my head.

I saw Booth, Dr. Brennan and Parker all together, the picture of perfection. And it didn't have room for one more.

XXX

The next time I met Dr. Brennan was perhaps the most embarrassing moment of my life. My small apartment was getting refurnished so I moved in with Booth. It was heaven, I saw him every day, we're both not big talkers but the silences were comfortable. But it was getting harder to hide my urges, I had to run outside to 'buy some milk' when I saw Booth shirtless coming out of the shower with just a dainty towel around his waist. Or I needed to spend ten minutes in the bathroom after Booth came back from the gym smelling of sweat and then starting to strip to change into something more comfortable.

It still hurt because it doesn't seem like he could get a bloody clue, or perhaps he knows but just chooses to ignore it, that possibility is actually even worse. Parker comes too; sometimes his mom drops him off to spend time with us. I was happy they divorced; she and Booth didn't look that well together. I'd never thought I'd say this but for that reason I'm glad Dr. Brennan is in Booth's life.

Anyway, it was on a normal day and I was in the bedroom I shared with Booth. There were two beds and a few miscellaneous scraps of clothing or trash on the ground.

The sound of low moaning could be heard no matter how much I tried to silence her. The woman on top of me was cute, she was a black-haired beauty with a nice body and back when I was younger, she would be naked already. Yet I didn't try to get our clothes off, I was content with just feeling her tongue slide against mine and her curves pressing against my body. She was straddling me, she started to grind her arse onto my groin but I stopped her.

Her brown eyes looked into mine but I just closed mine and continue kissing her.

It was absolute torture.

Every time she groaned or whimpered I would cringe because that would ruin the illusion that someone else was kissing me. Someone with hard abs and strong arms and whom I'm completely infatuated with.

And that someone is Booth.

_Only him._

She finally became quiet and I could almost pretend that she wasn't there; I could almost pretend that her squishy breasts were firm and hard instead and I could almost pretend that there was something extra between her legs.

_Almost._

This wasn't meant to happen, I went to the bar for a couple of drinks with Ron my friend whom I haven't seen in a while and we just got a little drunk. It wasn't a big deal when we started flirting with others but I didn't think that the girl I was buying a drink for would be that serious. I tried to protest when she started to get a little frisky but the whole situation with Booth has gotten me down more than I thought.

Honestly, I didn't drink that much and I was pretty much sober when she first kissed me. I was still pretty sober when I led her to my place. But I just couldn't take my crazy hormones that have recently been all over the place because of Booth. I really only meant for it to be a little groping, nothing more but perhaps if I didn't have those couple of drinks, I would be smart enough to not bring her to the apartment I shared with my secret love.

This is what happened, we didn't lock the door. It wasn't like we had too, Booth was off working on a case and I wasn't planning to go that far with this girl I hardly knew. But the door was indeed open and the man who walked in caused me to bolt from the bed and practically throw the girl off from me. Later on, I would apologize for being so rough but she wouldn't accept it and I wouldn't care.

His eyes were huge and his jaws were hanging open. He never saw me with anyone, I was only the babysitter and he didn't care enough to ask about my love life. I was already ready to apologize and try to explain, say something like 'this isn't what it looks like', 'I'm sorry', or 'we're not serious', the last was what I really wanted to say. And I was about to say it, I was about to clarify my actions to the man who only thought me as a responsible babysitter and the man who didn't realize my feelings at all, not even a little bit despite me being around him all the time.

But she stopped me. I got tongue tied. Dr. Brennan was right behind Booth and it wasn't really her that caught my attention, it was the big bruise that was visible on the side of her neck. I gawked at the mark with bulging emerald eyes for a couple of minutes before realizing the girl was already up while I was still on the floor. I shot up and I opened my mouth to say something…anything.

"Hi," That was not what I was planning to say. The words got caught in my throat, I should be saying something along the lines of 'you got it all wrong' or 'we're not like that' but I just couldn't, it was really all because of Dr. Brennan, she brought my resentment back, "This is…awkward," that seemed to crack Booth out of his stupor.

"Yeah…is she your…" Booth started with Dr. Brennan who was pressed up close to his body looking intensely at me.

"Yes," This is what I should've said: _no,_ but instead I said yes, I even proceeded to introduce the confused black haired girl to Booth and Dr. Brennan. After the introductions Booth just gazed at me like he was about to give a hormonal teenager 'the talk'. My hands were behind my back and I started to wring them like rags. The girl was standing next to me with a smug look on her face after hearing me announce her as my girlfriend.

My green eyes bore into Booth's, It was like I was trying to control his mind, trying to make him say something…do something—

Anything! Anything to show he's just a little bit jealous or something! I anticipated it, I wanted him to show that he's just that much upset about me being in a relationship…it has to have an effect on him somehow, or this would all be to waste, I would just look like a player to Booth and Dr. Brennan.

"That's…" I leaned closer, the annoying girl on my arm moved with me,"…it's…its great!" I stood there frozen as Booth came up to me and slapped me on the back. He might as well be slapping my heart.

"G—great, yeah…" I stuttered. Dr. Brennan also nodded, showing off her hickey to the world, or maybe I was the only who cared enough to notice it. She smiled at me and I forced myself to smile back.

"Hey, I got news too," I looked back to Booth who clapped his hands together and started to speak.

"Me and Bones," My blood ran cold when the two shared a meaningful look, "We're together," there was complete silence for a moment, I was too out of it to realize the normal thing would be to congratulate them, although that would be the farthest thing from what I really wanted to do, "Harry? We're partners…you know not like that partners, but like partners partners…" Booth trailed off.

I nodded slightly and struggled to show happiness.

"Wow…t—that's great Booth. I—I'm happy for you," his smile was worth it…I think, maybe only a little bit.

"Thanks man,"

"No problem," I whispered back. That was the most I could accomplish with my heart now in ruins. I didn't even have the energy to give Booth a man hug, an opportunity which I took every time it presented itself to me. I breathed in Booth's cologne as he still dragged me into a hug. He leaned closer.

"Hey, so I'll just leave you two alone ok?" He whispered into my ear. I nodded blankly. I didn't take my eyes off the man for one second as he walked out the room with his 'partner'. I didn't even wave to him and I refuse to feel guilty when he made a confused face at my coldness.

Then I was brought back to the girl whose name I didn't even remember. Her perfume made me sick, it was far too girly and desperate. I silently gagged as she snuggled up to me.

"So," She started, "I am your girlfriend now?" Her voice was actually quite timid and innocent and I just felt so tired thinking how I brought her into this mess. But the regret was short-lived when she started to embrace me tighter, almost choking me in the process.

She waited for a reaction but I only hummed affirmatively as a response.

It was the only thing I could do.

XXX

_So how was it? I hope you guys liked it and i might continue it, i'm not sure if i should.  
Ok, thanks for reading and please review!_


	2. Chapter 2

Hello! This is chapter 2 and this is prob the end. i dont really know where else i would go with this. But who knows, if i feel like it, i might decide to write more. i hope you guys enjoy!

Please review!

XXX

Chapter 2

The sound of wedding bells filled my head. And a streak of white which looked like flowers crossed my vision.

"Harry?" I blinked. And then blinked a couple more times till I realized I was imagining things, but honestly everything feels like a romance novel with him and her, "You okay man?" My eyes focused on the man before me, his concerned gaze looked charming but the sight of it was also mocking. It was cruel to remind me of what I would never have.

"Yeah…um, I-I'm fine," I coughed and gingerly took a sip of coffee. The burning liquid felt like fire but I didn't take much notice, not even when my tongue started to sting. The sound of people scurrying around in the small café made me somewhat nostalgic. This was the same café that I met _her_ for the first time. Years have passed since then but to me, it only felt like it was just yesterday my heart skipped for Booth the first time and continued fluttering even till now, when I knew Booth was thinking about someone else when he was with me.

_Plop_

Astonished by the few drops of coffee that splashed onto my face, I could only stare at the ripples that were forming where a single tear from me dropped into the milky brown coffee.

"Harry? So what do you think?" I hardly heard Booth, I could only remain shocked that I was actually breaking down in public. On the other hand, it makes sense that Booth would be the only one able to cause me to feel like this.

"Excuse me, I need to go to the loo," I mumbled under my breath before bolting out my seat and practically running to the restroom. The intense gaze of the officer was fixated on the back of my head the whole time. It hurt to think that Booth would be more surprised at my sudden accent then the fact I was acting weird.

You would think solving murders would mean you can figure out anything but he still hasn't noticed or he just realized nothing would come of it and doesn't want to waste his time letting me down gently.

The door slammed open and I sighed with relief when I saw it was empty. Quickly, the door was locked and I stumbled over to the sink. I could only revel in the cleanliness of the bathroom for a moment before I forgot everything and just burst into tears. The sound of my sobs was quiet but it sounded like thunder to my ears.

_Oh the pain._

It hurt more than when my parent dies. Or when Sirius died not long after. The way the Dursley's treated me is nothing compared to this, since I was young I could handle pain pretty well. Anything physical, I can get through. I can survive punches to the face or kicks to the stomach by Dudley and his gang. It still hurt when I got a black eye and I felt miserable when I felt the snap of a rib.

However, I never thought that I would experience something worse than that.

The image of Booth innocently sitting there where I left him came to mind and it just made my tears cascade down faster. I could already see it.

Booth in a tux and fixing his tie every ten minutes or so to make sure it was perfect. I could see his sweet quirk of the lips that could send me to heaven or his special glint in his eye that only he could do. And then _her_ coming down the aisle looking like she was made for him. Suddenly, the perfect image was wiped away from a knock on the door. I froze, and hurriedly wiped away any stray tears.

"Harry? You in there?" the doorknob rattled and I turned the faucet on in lightning speed. Putting my face close to the refreshing water, I splashed the cool liquid on my warm face. All I could think of is what Booth would think if he saw me like this before I turned the water off.

I reached toward the doorknob but paused midway through. Maybe I could get out of seeing his today, god knows what would happen If I had to hear more about _her_ and that _t-thin—_

"Harry," My name jolted me. I cleared my throat noisily.

"Yeah, I'm here. Sorry, I don't feel that good,"

"Oh…you need anything?"

"No…I'm fine. J-just threw up a little. I don't think I can take care of Parker tomorrow either,"

"That's fine man," I heard a soft chortle and my heart ached to hear it again, "So I guess I'll go then? You should probably sit down for a little more,"

"Yeah," I said and winced at how cheerful I sounded; I bet he could tell I was faking.

"Hey Harry," I held my breath and waited, the man outside the door cleared his throat before continuing, "You never said anything about…you know," with all my might I forced myself to think of something else, _anything_ but that. I thought of how people would probably be staring at Booth now, the crazy man who's talking to a door. And then I thought of Parker and how I promised him tomorrow we would go to the zoo. A wave of sadness washed over me at the memory, "Harry? You listening?"

No I wasn't. But I could guess what he said. I knew I would have to face it one day, and then another tear suddenly rolled down my cheek. My eyes already started to feel puffy and swollen so I wiped any more wetness away, I could cry at home. For a second, I thought of Booth's place where I stayed for a while before but I shook my head. That was never my home, my home was the dingy little apartment I had that made me feel like I was the only person in the world that has absolutely no one. But it was home.

"Booth…I'm…" the other end was silent and I knew the officer would be listening to every word I say, thus I can't really do what I want to, which is scream at the man and tell him in detail how much he's ruined my life.

I sighed at my rage, I always get angry after shedding a few tears, "I'm…really happy…" I had to pause to stop a snivel that almost escaped, "…for you. Congratulations," There was complete stillness for a while.

"Thanks," I almost wanted to laugh at the worry in Booth's voice, now he's realizing it. But I couldn't blame Booth, after all, I was the one too chicken to tell Booth of my feelings and now it's way too fucking late.

"You're a great friend Booth," I almost choked saying the word friends but it was worth it to hear the joy in his laugh.

"Thanks. Weird friends though…talking with a door between us. Feels like a sappy movie or something," He was waiting for a laugh so I did but it sounded ridiculously forced.

I slumped down to the ground with my back to the bathroom door, "I should go and people are waiting to use the _loo_," My lips twitched at Booth trying to do a British accent, I still sometimes slip back into it when I get emotional, "But I like your accent, it sounds cool," I refrained from yelling at him that the reason I stopped was because when we first met, he gave my strange looks every time I opened my mouth.

I sighed, it would be no use to get mad at Booth and I don't think I ever can. I heard tapping on the other side and I could see Booth getting fidgety and tapping his feet, a habit he always had. I put my head in my arms and thought _god just leave already,_ "Later man," said Booth flippantly.

_Yes, thank you._

But my thoughts contradicted with the agony in my chest.

I didn't hear footsteps yet.

Then I had a thought. I swallowed loudly, trying to force the words out my mouth, I should say it now. He can't see my face so he wouldn't be able to see the utter despair on my features. I opened my mouth only for the words to get stuck in my throat. I swallowed shakily and whispered, "You're…" I couldn't continue. Booth could be gone already but I was determined to say it.

"You're gonna be a…great f-father…Booth," But he was already long gone. I slumped at the realization that I would have to say those words to him again eventually; it's what a friend does. Me being his friend also means I would have to hold his—_their baby_ one day and then face her knowing look that just wants to make me gag. My hands started to tremble but I struggled to think positive.

_What should I give to them? I don't even know if it's a boy or girl…maybe I should get a rattle or some socks. They always look so cute in the store and—_

Suddenly, there was firm knock at the door that interrupted my pathetic thoughts. I was glad for the distraction; I was going crazy thinking about b…ba…baby (_god, I could barely get the word out...how the hell am I going to face Booth and her?_) stuff while sitting on the bathroom floor.

"Hey! Open up," there were about 4 stalls in the bathroom and the thought of a line forming outside amused me but wasn't enough to get a laugh. It didn't even cross the mind that people were probably annoyed I was hogging the bathroom, but I wasn't thinking right and I even felt dizzy when I tried to get to my feet. Slowly trying to get my feet, I once again reached for the doorknob and prepared myself for whomever on the other side. I unlocked the door and it opened to reveal a tall and buff man with flaming red hair. There were light freckles on his cheeks and he looked to be around the same age as me.

His eyes were wide as saucers as he stared at me…at least he didn't look angry.

I was silent as I swept past him. But amazingly, I felt a little lighter when the man whipped his head around to stare at me. More specifically…my arse. The redheads face was cute and although my thoughts were still consumed by Booth, there was actually a hop in my step as I walked out the café.

The sight of the redhead still gazing at my behind made me raise a hand to cover the smile that was threatening to form.

Tonight's going to be interesting, I still feel like crying but maybe I'll be able to laugh tomorrow.


End file.
